Neha is getting married next week.Busy with studies and work, I really couldn't be around her.Now,when it's just a week left,I am already missing her.All this while,this was so unbelievable-we've grown up so much,that now my best friend is getting married.Marriage seems such a heavy thing for the tender shoulders of Neha.Though I believe,she can manage it better than I'd have but still.

My mom says (among a lot of other things) - people change around their marriage.Well, kind of yes,I have seen Neha grow up ,turn more silent and preparing herself for the new unknown world on her own.There was this party we threw for her yesterday.She was Neha all this while,our friend Neha.And towards the end of the party as Nimish,her fiancee joined in,she transformed into another Neha....Neha of Nimish, Neha of her in-laws,Neha -departing from her parents' house, Neha -going to be married next week.
So as next week draws closer, I lose a very good friend of mine to the holy fire of marriage.

Weekend flew away.Strange is my life going on as always,beyond my comprehension and I just flow freely in this river of time,too tired to resist the flow.No scrap book,no movies this time,just cheering Neha's marriage and while we prepared a memory book for her,I browsed through all the dance sessions recorded in our hostel room,pure fun they were.Garima was imitating all my peculiar habits in a video while Neha played the role of my blind date.Neha sounded so sensible anyways, that I didn't like Garima scaring her away and that too in my shoes:P.Our laughters danced those days.Wish I was a student at YMCA forever and so were all my friends,and some nice fat uncle were paying for all our expenses.

I wanted to write for so long and I have so much to write,but there are still a lot of noises around to make me think coherently and write clearly.There is a situation of unrest that prevails.An unrest that arises when you have too much to do and too little time to execute.And you keep on executing it in your head again and again unless you grow tired of it.....

Hon mon , 
just a few minutes away
tick tick tick tick,
there you go
and my pen gets broken
by another monday

Signing off.

Another Sunday,another week gone by.People live one day at a time, one moment at a time,I live, one week at a time.And every week , I go through every high and low one can think of in terms of emotions, incidences and in my approach towards life.So, one day,I may be laughing foolishly on and on,and another day I might be all serious towards life and work in particular.But one thing that doesnot stop is-my flow of thoughts.How I wish we could solve all the problems of the world with the magnitude and mulitude of our thoughts.I would be undisputedly the queen , if logic of thoughts is not to be a deciding factor.

Started reading "Rain in the Mountains" by Ruskin Bond ,and how beautifully he talks about sounds and flowers and rains and gardens."Aha" ,I sigh after reading every sentence.It's like ,I can taste each word of his,and it tastes delicious.One will be smitten by the disarming simplicity of the words and simple things he talks about and how one can feel them as he reads through it.Amazing.It just makes my day.

Loved in particular these lines-

"There are in my garden

the burnt bronze petals
of shattered marigolds

spears of goldenrod
bending to the load
of pillaging bees

two armoured lizards
a map butterfly
and a division of ants ..."

After all, it reminds me of my garden(except the lizard part,I cannot help hating the creature).

Watched "Straight" last night.The Director was trying too hard to impress the audience.It was so visible.I dragged on till the end, just to find out the ultimate orientation of Vinay Pathak and how unhappening an end!But yes,I loooved the name "Pinu",added to the cuteness of Vinay's character:PAnd Kamlesh was cute too,just that he wasn't funny enough to be a stand up comedian.I doubt if he 'll make a nice career in it.

Enough for now,there are a lot of things lined up for the coming week...

<Written Last Weekend,20/21st march>

It's mid march.The sun has gone to rest and a cool breeze is flowing lazily.Apart from missing moon,a perfect time to write.I am sitting in the balcony from where I can see a number of tiny specks of light - flickering and constant.The day went like a perfect Saturday,cleaning my room , reading old slambooks,lazing around,watching a light movie and now in perfect silence - with no voices from past or present,conscience or morality,work or home.Spent an hour tendering the garden-the red roses are in their full bloom and countless,no wonder they are symbols of love-they are such a beauty.Asoka is on a shedding spree,so when I was done with the brooming and all,I sat on my knees and picked up dried leaves,slow as I am with everything.Soon after,mom joined in,I guess when it comes to garden,my mom and I both are crazy –she more than I.So, while people wondered why these two ladies are tendering their garden, in the hot summer afternoon, we were too busy with tomatoes and too concerned about the banana tree.Last few days were heavy and every moment felt like an ice,frozen,refusing to move ahead.It happens I guess,with people as complicated as I.

I bet I should leave now,I don't know who's having a nicer time here-mosquitoes or I.

Movies!

Something made me mentally browse through all the movies I have watched till day.The process reminded me of the first hollywood movie I watched (if I don't count the hindi-versions of Jackie Chan movies)-City Of Angels, the movie made me croon over the mushy romance and Nicholas Cage in particular.Now,when I think of the storyline,I find it a bit hilarious.It goes like this-

Supposedly, God has a lot of handsome Angels like Nicholas Cage.These guys have got nothing better to do except watch sunrise and sunset at seashore-except or the occasional trips they make to fetch the spirits of dying people to add to the idle lot.

One fine day,Mr.Cage is sent for such a trip where he falls for the b'ful daughter of the dying guy,completely forgetting GOD had assigned him some task.This girl is called "Maggi"(surely after the hairdo she spotted in the movie).So,Mr.Cage misuses his angelic powers of being visible and invisible at will, to be around the girl.The girl is ofcourse impressed,what with this mysterious guy carrying a ubiquitious sorry expression on his face which somehow evokes sympathy.And Mr.Cage is ofcourse feeling bad most of the times,since his being an angel is actually harming him-he can't feel his girlfriend's touch (oops..).One fine day,he tumbles across this guy,who gives him a secret-he can be alive by dying again the same way he died.The catch is Mr.Cage doesnot remember his past life or how he died.But somehow he manages to.So, he dies,gets alive again and comes back to Maggi, who knows everything by now.They are quite happy.Next morning,Maggi goes to market on her bicycle, but since she is not in habit of keeping her eyes on the road while driving/riding,she meets with an accident and dies instantly!!Mr.Cage is again sad for now Maggi is an angel and she won't remember her life before death.So, now she is idling at the seashore and so is Mr.Cage albeit thanking her for she gave him a b'ful gift called Life....

Some of the particular details skip my mind,I watched this movie atleast 5 years back....but I can recall a lot, given the notoriety of my memory.

It's Monday...back to week full of work ..

I realized my heart lies with this blog.I may create 1000 blogs but I am my own self here,in the drafts,posts and the editor of blogdrive.I don't know why?As soon as stopped spending my Sunday nights with my beloved blog,a part of me ceased to exist.And now,right now,it's like talking to a long lost friend,the only friend who makes me feel like I do right now.

Memories are peculiar,strange in their own ways.The same meories can make me feel good at one time and bad at other times.When I think of my school,college,workplace, my place and myself,I realize life has come a full circle for me.I, who preferred to keep to myself, while in school,a socially outgoing personality when in college and now a complex mixture of both..hanging out with friends most of the friday nights and preferring to wander alone rest of the times.It's this a spectrum wide change in me with circumstances that has turned me into a puzzle for myself.Have been trying to understand myself when crowd is pushing me back in the busiest of streets or when I stand in my balcony watching moon ruling the sky.What is that we keep on living for?Who defines right and wrong?Do you really sit in heaven behind the skies watching over me, God, or are you a figment of my imagination?What is it that keeps me going on- with my questions and my striving for answers.Or is life just a chase of answers?Reminds me of an old folk tale, the particulars of which I don't remember but a vague idea of what it was about.A sage is looking for something,he wanders years and years for it,and the day he finds it, he destroysit/throws it away,when some one asks him why he did so,he says,I don't have any other purpose in life except to find that thing,if I procure that thing,my life will become purposeless.So,I should keep hunting for answers and should be happy in the fact that new questions arise when I find answers for my questions.

Anyways,let's get back to reality.It's sunday night,so,it's kind of natural for me to think all this...especially because I have some other important works to do.Backlog of work always inspires such thoughts/questions in me...purpose of life and all:P

Friday night was devoted to Chandni Chowk..the real Dilli-6 instead of the Delhi-6 in
PVR.We had to take a call, which one,but after we spent the second half of DevD half slept in cushiony seats of PVR,Chandni Chowk seemed a better option.The delicious Paranthas,the metro rides ,pranks of Monkey man - Anand,and soon to be mother-of-Tinku -Pari Mam's bubbly talks kept the night alive and when I retired to the bed  late night,a cool gush of wind in my face completed it all.If only I had some better option than the lone watchman,I'd have surely left for a stroll.Reminds me of the peaceful feeling I exeperinced at Jagannath temple in Hauz Khas,when we all sat on the steps of the temple, talking our usual non sense and a serene girl walked in,and an aroma of incense filled the place.No sooner,temple bells start ringing and the aarti commences...a  tranquality can be acquired in silence,but so rare in the deafening sounds,this was this one rare case ,where you feel peaceful as rest of the sounds die down in the clamour of aarti.

That kinds of sum up what all I was upto in this period of absence from blogdrive.Looks like the work I had to do,will keep adorning my task list for rest whole week.

My horoscope says - "This year will be good for my husband".

So, guys now you know,the easy way to good luck ;)

my first belonging

my first sense of loss,

a feeling I was so fond of,

a hand I could not hold.

Its this urge to write that keeps me awake inspite the odd hours and the usual weekend-headache that arises from tireness.
A greedy soul like me is never satisfied with a weekend that is just 2/7th of the week.Every Saturday morning I love spending atleast 15 minutes jotting down my "To Do" tasks for the weekend -"tasks" is a misnomer actually, for the activities I note down can be classified as anything but tasks -now, you don't call watching a movie - a task - do you?
Movie reminds me of this movie I watched this weekend -The Kite Runner -all you bookworms out there - you are right,you have heard this name.This movie is the movie version of the book by the same name.Its just when you have spent so much time reading the book,watching it as a two and a half hour movie will make you feel like hurriedly browsing through the book.No doubt,the director had to omit certain sequences.
Another thing I realized was -the visual upper hand of cinema or the hints,the sophistications of the camera and the deep implications of certain scenes -nothing could match the standard set by the descriptions of Khalid Hosseini.Great camera work with the sand laden mountains could not make Afghanistan as b'ful as it was in the words of author.The movie could not recreate the smell of Kabobs,which I could smell while reading the book.Soraya Jan was just another character in the movie,in words of Khalid,even her name could make you imagine her beauty.And,Khalid made sure you end up feelin' like weeping the night you read about Hassan's incidence.In the movie it comes and goes.The plight and trauma of Hassan,stretched across a few pages -the most heart rendering pages- never appeared on screen.The change of season,was swift as a moment where they show the snow melting away and the summers ushering in.So typical.This season which was so life changing for everybody in the book  was simply lost in this melting snow.The irony is -the director has tried to visualize everything that is implicit in the book,and whatever is so palpable in the book, especially the emotions -are all so implicit in the movie.Now, I don't know how would one who hasn't read the book will find the movie...but for those, who loved the book,it's just a  quick review of the book :).I believe Khalid is powerful enough with the words to make a movie reel in -in the back of your mind as you read the book , and that movie is much more b'ful.

Anyways , the good parts of the movie -the characters - exactly the same faces you'd have imagined-exactly the same locations,that make you feel like "deja vu"...dialogues delivered in the same way -you repeated them in your mind.

And the best part -Hassan - I don't know-who was more Hassan like -the sweet little boy in the movie or the character of Khalid - this boy evokes the same kind of admiration for Hassan -and I just wish he occupied more screen space...

The most emotional part -when a grown-up Amir thinks of boy-Hassan in retrospect -running across fields , after Amir reads the letter by Hassan which he gets after Hassan's death.

This was Saturday night.Sunday which is yesterday by the time now in clock went a bit strange.I had some mixed feelings towards life.

Relived mid 2008 with all my color books and my paper cutting feats.The satisfaction it gives me is strange.More I get into colors,more I forget whatever hard feelings I ever owed to my life.

But again,a confused bundle of thoughts raised its head.It happens with me most of Sundays.Probably this question - where will I be -five years from now is too much suspense for me to bear :P

It is difficult to write these days.When so many thoughts cross your mind together and you want to be nice to each and everyone of them,when you feel it's time your blog needs water and your thoughts another milestone in the form of a post,and you actually don't know what should you write about.
So many things happened in last few days,each one an eye opener.Let me try to put them in their order of relative importance :
I took two computer classes of the security guards of our office.Patient I was,but I realized what a Herculean task it could be, to make some one type a word,helping him locate each and every letter on this keyboard , to which we don't even spare a look while type-ing recklessly.Met a new bunch of people,who irrespective of their age,hold us in high respect,for learned people we are.
The shy smiles on the face of Jay Prakash Mishra,Surendra Tiwari when enquired about their families and kids,the amazing learning capability of B.A. Sanskrit-Vinod Sharma, the tactiturn  Ranjeet Singh,the bachelor Krishna Kumar Singh , "Hum English mein introduction de sakte hain " -Brij Mohan Sharma,I will remember them  for the rest of my life. 
One thing that touched me the most - as the class got over,and the guards proceeded to leave,I started packing my bag -leisurely for I assumed they all were gone.When I turned back, I found this guard,standing to escort me till outside.There was certain sincerity in his move,a regard -that I find missing around me.A sub ordinate may wait or escort his/her boss, a poor may oblige rich ,but that all is - to respect a  hierarchy.This guard wasn't standing merely to respect the hierarchy.Folks tell me this world is full of shrewd,cunning people -you believe in it -till the time -you haven't taught the students at Shri Krishna Inter College or taught the security guards how to type.

Next, it was my Birthday.
And since I attach realizations with every occasion -Diwali,Holi,vacations and even weekends,Birthday won't be spared as well.So,here's my list of realizations :
-Your set of friends to whom you give the first treat -changes every birthday.
-90% of your closest friends call you at 8 in the morning.
-Atleast one person will surprise you by calling at bday midnight leaving you wondering why,how and wow.
-Friends come and go.Only a few know what it takes to stand by your friend.And you come to know this -well, you never come to  know this -till the time they actually prove this.
-You can enjoy a Birthday treat only if there was no cellphone.

And yeah,an unfair thing- to hold this event less important than my Birthday - my blog completed two years.
A few words in the praise of my blog.
I raise a toast to my blog who has always been my confidante.I filled it with gibberish,asked it to keep it secretly in drafts,and it always honored the trust I bestowed upon it.It witnessed my ups and downs,was calm and patient with me,when I was in the worst of my moods,helped me get back to my senses when I was either senseless or non-sense,and even jhelo-fyed my emotional melodramas at times.
Decent it was, and it is , it never contained any words which disguise themselves in stars,was never obscene, and no compliants regarding -it hurting anyone's sentiments -were ever received.Proud is its owner.

Cheers!