It's been a long time since I talked about the school where I teach.Its been a few weeks , the programme is over and I already miss the kids - as if they belonged to me , their dreams as if they were mine and the responsibility of their dreams -mine. Now, suddenly my role in their lives has been wiped out completely.I could not make it to the class one of the days and my intuition told me -you would regret this -I did - my stint with those kids was over. Next time I went, it was a holiday there and after that , the programme came to an un-official, un-ceremonious end.Why all good things come to an end abruptly?
The good thing about approaching winters is various shades of winter flowers that adorn our garden.Lovely bright Chrysanthmum,-ivory,bright yellow,maroon,lavender and not-so-common the peach one The manicured grass stands contended with sparkling water drops with their gentle grass-blades bending to kiss the ground….while the gravity pulls the water droplet on the grass blade to embrace the earth.
I watched plethora of movies in last few weeks.The list includes –Pride n Prejudice (2006) for 2nd time .Pride n Prejudice(part1 n 2)(I have turned into a "pride n prejudice expert now-except that I haven't read the novel yet)Guess,fairy tales and a tall, handsome Mr.Darcy are still my fancies.Ok,so continuing with the list – What happened in Vegas,PS I love you,Oye Lucky..,Sorry bhai,I watched all of them.
Completed Almost Single",now since I could COMPLETE the book –implies it was interesting enough,its a regular chick lit except the humour part which is quite good.So, I wrote down to Advaita(the authoress) and she replied.She is sooo sweet.Reading "The Strawberry Patch"-another novel by a woman –talks of unsung heroines of all times.. a b'ful narrative style.
10th August – My first day at Samsung Headquarters at Suwon.
This date brings agonizingly painful memories rushing back to my mind; but today,looking outside from the 10th floor window at mountains, I felt I had already seen this in my dreams; I believe this is my moment of victory. Victory in a fight which I believed was going on since forever.
The journey was long and painful, but this moment is worth it.
This day marked the completion of 12 years of that fateful day that changed my life forever. Shaped me into the kind of person I turned into and shaped my life as well.This day is symbolic..of how on this road of life ,after taking numerous turns, I have reached a point, where though I look back with mixed emotions, ahead I look forward to a tunnel of light.
I feel like Alice in Wonderland where everything is green adorned with beautiful colors. I have forgotten the agony of the grim darkness of where I come from. I am bathed in the neon lights that lit the roads I walk upon. Fallen leaves are no longer sad; I pick them up as fondly as I pick up the bright flowers. Melancholy has gained a beauty.
I remember how it used to feel. Stuck. Bound by some invisible ropes and I was struggling hard, to break free the mould I was in. When twilight used to make me write sad poems, and wait for morning. Cool breeze would moisten eyes. And moon was caught in a long wait for time to change and nights were heavy with my sighs and silent prayers for time to pass as quickly as possible.When I'd wake up every morning in a hope that this day would bring smile and went to bed every night in utter disappointment.
Now, its just light and colors and dreams and laughters.I sit back peacefully.
<Written way long back - when I was in waiting mode>
And there I am,waiting to be understood, for someone to realize,what it takes to be "me", for someone to read the sadness in my eyes for the one who makes time pass like a breeze
for someone who can trace my sight
and find out my dreams, for someone who fetches stars who believes in colors and believes in me
No matter where I go , no matter how much I and my life has changed when I return back to this place,this place,this blog recognizes me , like an old friend -who has stayed there waiting for me, hoping that I 'll show up some day while I had been around the world , not even caring to speak up with my old friend, telling it at length what all experiences I had and how my dreams have come true.My old faithful friend,I belong to this place originally.This is where my roots are and will always be , even when I open up my arms and embrace new avenues.You help me stay grounded.
The dusk has set in;the sky is eerie-ready to engulf everything. It is cold like any cloudy day is. I open my eyes to find myself facing the dark sky and surrounded by lights and occasional fireworks. I am resting on sand and the seashore is close. The musical waves return to the heart of the sea after every desperate attempt to reach out to us. A cool breeze with heaviness of sea water fills my lungs. I just woke up from a deep peaceful nap.But I believe am still dreaming. Its another dreamland where I sit calmly,my feet buried in sand, facing the night,the sea,the milky waves in mud like water ;retrospecting how I spent a dream like day.
We leave for Busan beach on Friday night.It has been drizzling all the way. Raindrops falling on window panes make haphazard patterns.To some people they make sense.And me,I am simply lost in their ethereal beauty. We reach Busan station at 3 in morning.After spending an hour at the station,craving for a cozy bed,we catch a taxi to Haeundae beach in anticipation of watching the sun rise from behind the sea.It is still dark,and still drizzling.Walking on wide empty roads of Haeundae Beach across lane of largely closed and a few open shops,we feel hungry and homeless.
After indulging in a hot cup of coffee at a coffee shop,we reach the sea shore.People are jogging around,cycling or busy with morning exercise,while we are the punctual tourists,worn out and tired who have travelled whole night to be here.
For me,its a new space opened up inside my mind and inside my heart.A new thread added to the beautiful world I livein my dreams-sea and its heart.
The day is unusually cold.Somehow the saltiness of water keeps me and Nidhi away from it.So,I and Nidhi stay at the shore while the guys jump in. And here,I find a beautiful sea shell. As if I have found some purpose in my life,I start walking over the beach line searching for sea shells .With every wave, the sea will bring thousands of sea shells and take away thousands of them;as if it was opening up its treasure for us and at times, keeping some for its own.And I and Nidhi are experiencing range of emotions -disappointment -when a b'ful sea shell will be washed away by strong waves.Awed -by magnificent colors of sea shells;excitement that belongs to a kid - while looking heartily at our collection.
After spending hours collecting our treasure of sea shells.we move to Busan aquarium.Bewildered we move around looking at the myriad variety of fishes and all the wonders the sea holds in its heart.In this world, everything is awe inspiring,magnificent and rich in hues.The sharks,queen angel fish,cow fish,sea horses,penguins,ottor,seal,piranhas,moon jelly fish,octopus,sea weeds,sea dragons,prawns-new kind of people I met.
The emerald green water of sea and the color of sand left an imprint on my heart. And are left in my fondest of memories-the coolness that penetrated into my heart from my feet buried in sand,the breeze I could feel in my lungs,the music of milky water waves that came gushing and running and playing and took away the sand beneath my feet.We live for such moments ,rest of the time,we just spend -for the sake of these moments;dreaming about them.And I wished, in such one moment of my life, I was with my loved ones. While I write this ,the waves absorb me again and again;and the mystifying feeling of the sand underneath my feet knocks occasionally.
After a loooong break,I watched two movies recently - The notebook and Madagascar1.I found both of them lovely.The notebook - I loved Jack Nicholson,his character ,his age ,his presence besides his lady only depicts a love worth cherishing .And Madagascar - great movie.Feels like home now.
This was written when I was about to leave HCL.For my two friends,who made known to me joys of friendship.I could not publish it then,because I wanted to put as much life into it as there was in our friendship,as much joy,emotions,feelings -that I have felt during our friendship and towards the end of times we spent together.But the, our friendship is larger than life.I can never do enough justice to it.So here it is in its original form.This one is for you-Anand and Sid - for you are missed - for you'll remain my most cherishable friends-and times spent with you- most cherishable
For you, my friend, I'll love memories like never before. I'll hold onto past as I'll beam in future I'll moist my eyes when I'll laugh out loud. I'll be lost in thoughts when someone will crack a familiar joke I'll tell God wherever I go, I wish you were here to make my joy true And I'll live these laughters , crackles and smiles, as I'll go to sleep every night.
How I call you instinctly, when I have something exciting to tell and how would I confess my secrets and my fears when I feel alone I'll remember those sweet naughty names that bear the stamp of our friendship. And I'll remember how would we gossip endlessly day and night I'll remember while walking on roads, how we kept pushing each other and shove each other and then pick up a fight I'll remember how you looked left at a girl and I spotted a guy in the right
I'll remember the rains,the walks, and teas, my crazy wishes you will fulfil
Like a diligent spider, it is in our natural instinct to weave a gossamer –of relationships, but being human, we get caught in them, embroiled in them. But we still don't want to get rid of them, for we won't have any place to return to, if they are gone. We'll be homeless. We seek them all our lives-shedding old ones, forming new ones, according to our own convenience, joy and inclination of heart. But rarely do we experience that eluding eternal bliss in them.Do we? And then , we keep seeking answers.
No matter how many times I read,but every time, I read them-Ruskin's poems I mean,I feel I am standing under a waterfall.
One of my most favorites :
Dare to dream
Build castles in air, but first,give them foundations. Hold fast to all your dreams, Make perfect your creations.
All glory come to those who dare.
Failed works are sad lame things. Act impeccably,sing Your own song, but do not take Another's song from him or her Look for your art within, You'll find your own true gift, For you are special too. And if you try,you'll find there's nothing you can't do.
While I was looking for "The tale of the Rose" at a bookstore,I stumbled across this "fairy stencil book",Yes,stencils to draw fairies.And I have been given my childhood back.Colors,fairies,butterflies,flowers,beautiful papers-it miught be a dreamland.
